Positives From a Negative

Echoes from past postings. I like to pull conversations and words up from some of the past postings on another website, where I had some fundamentally simple concept THWACK me on the forehead until I said, “Ohhhh….” and a lightbulb went off. An epiphany, if you will. πŸ™‚

(in response to some much needed advice and support while recouping from a setback in life)

December 9,2004

I appreciate, again, all the positive energies flowing my way. I have decided that if there is an immediate lesson to be learned from the events of the recent past, its that I have some REALLY REALLY WONDERFUL people in my life!!!

And that maybe, despite my self-deluding perceptions to the contrary, I apparently DO what I have been taught over the years by you guys.

I know in the grand scheme of things that its just a “thing” …something that will offer me that 20/20 hindsight one day. BUT…I have to say this and then let it go:

being able to vent, getting some solid (sometimes too specific…BE NICE!) input,

spending more time with other recovering people,

allowing myself to be the one who needed instead of meeting needs,

realizing who doesnt just talk the talk…

all of these positives came from a single negative.

I have run the gamut today from being ok…to spending a good chunk of the day really, really down and subject to sudden bouts of tears…to self-righteous indignation…to overwhelming fear of uncertainty…to this.

And right now, in THIS moment, I am peacefully sad. I’m sad because there are always 2 sides to every story and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that right now I am sitting in a much more peaceful place than some are.

I am blessed and grateful for the opportunities. I try to make sure that those in my life know that and I wish that everyone could somehow receive all that and more.

Maybe I was just in the way of something that is so BIG it can’t be seen by we mere mortals! Just a small role in the big picture. And though I know everything can change in a single minute, my heart is heavier than you guys know …for the WASTE of it all!!

THAT is what upsets me the most – I don’t burn bridges, as a rule…one of the silly little rules that I live by. But I am powerless to stop others from destruction on anybody’s bridge once it has been marked for demolition and events set in motion.

So tonite as I lay my head down,
I am grateful.
I am awed.
I am emotionally exhausted by the day.
I am grieving the loss – of unknown possibilities.
I am humbled.
I am, at least for this moment in time,
at peace.


2 Responses

  1. line i noticed – “grieving the loss – of unknown possibilities.”
    I am learning to accept the unlived in me and us and all of life.
    great remembrance Shiney!

  2. It is amazing to me, how I can be sitting in front of the gadgets, and have a feeling of neutrality with the world. Neither up nor down, and at peace with it all, for the moment.
    However, after reaching out to the grab-bag of the internet, and the positiviness of some gifted people’s writing, how it stirs the imagination and all kind of positive motions start to flow within oneself. Always a pleasure to read your posts!

    WoW! I appreciate your comment, Ray. πŸ™‚ Ironically, it inspires and motivates me, so thank you for that…and keep posting your WoWMoment pictures ~~ πŸ˜‰

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