Oceans (Re-Post)

Re-Post:

Oceans

moonlight on the Gulf

I love being here.
I love the ocean, no matter how many times I’ve been to it.
I love the things that surround it-the breezes, the salty smell, the shinyness,
the constant movement of the water, the waves’ thunder, watching storms across the horizon, the feel of the sand under my feet and the sun on my body…all of it.


Last night the kids wanted to go hunt sand crabs with flashlights and nets. I came within a breath of not going, but changed my mind in the last moments of hunting and gathering gear to go.


I walked across the sand towards the water and away from the brightly lit building,caught up in the excitement in the kids’ voices.

Reaching the edge of the water, I realized there wasn’t any “crashing” to speak of – the water was so calm it was lapping over my feet and was warm as bathwater.
Despite the lack of violence in the waves, there was a steady breeze blowing against me.
As I stood there shining my flashlight through the water in front of me,
what I saw took my breath away in surprise – it was FULL of shells!

Now I had looked diligently for some decent shells every day since I’d arrived here!
Pieces and beautiful shards were all I’d been able to find all week,
usually by cutting my heel on one!
But my beam caught a myriad of all sorts in all shapes and sizes, gently rocking beneath the surface.

I squatted down and lowered my net into that water to scoop up as many as I could and then I thought,

“Wait.”
What was I going to do with them?
How many perfect and unique shells lived with me now back home, keepsakes from trips past?
How many of those did I even recall finding?
Every single one of them I had thought of as worthy of taking out of the ocean to bring back with me –
to “remind” me of this trip or that trip.

But squatting there last night, I realized that it was the memories that were the souvenirs, not the shells.

And by taking them away from their natural spectacular showcase, it diminished their luster,

condemning them to become one of the hundreds in a jar on a shelf collecting dust at my house.
Wasn’t that being just a tad bit selfish?

I felt like it was a right of childhood that I had outgrown through time.

So maybe these shells I was looking at through the glassy water were destined to be triumphantly found by a child in the morning on a walk along the beach with their grandparent.

And remembering my own shouts of joy,

beckoning my now deceased grandparents to “come! LOOK at what I had FOUND”,

I stood up and turned off the light, smiling.

My time as a gatherer of “things” seems to have painlessly passed me by.

I heard my own children’s voices excitedly calling out to each other in the semi-darkness, beckoning each other to “come! LOOK at what I FOUND!”

I guess life really is an eternal circle.

I found comfort in still being part of that loop.


So without my light, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and looking across the blackness of the sea,
I found a profound sense of what I can only describe as a
YEARNING
It seems to be the only adequate word
for how it felt, deep within
I indulged myself for just a few minutes and imagined
an answer to that nameless desire
in that very insignificant space in time.

Looking up into the sky I could see hundreds of stars,

rarely seen from the brightly lit city
and for the third time on my life’s path,
I saw a shooting star streak across the sky
A Wishing Star!
I closed my eyes and let my heart put voice to the yearning,

whispering my wish with a fervency and hope
that was all at once consuming and comforting.
Despite the irrationality of it all,
I just let the imaginings and yearning under that shooting star
give birth to a deeply held, but brutally simple wish
for what was whispered from my heart in a language beyond my comprehension

Sap that I am, tears filled my eyes and I had to compose myself before joining the others.
But my point,
is love was THERE

In that moment.

With me.
And the heavens threw me a wishing star
to give all that was inside of me
dared not spoken,

wings

~me

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5 Responses

  1. i’m quite speechless, that’s amazing!!!!

  2. beautiful moment – thanks for sharing

  3. That is exactly what the doctor ordered for this evening…thanks LeLe…simply and quietly…beautiful

  4. Waves~~~~~ are beautiful things!

  5. […] public links >> oceans Oceans (Re-Post) Saved by pminaa on Wed 19-11-2008 Bernie Mac & Isaac Hayes Saved by mikkolahti on Sun […]

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