Stuck in the Middle

Just another example of the “silly little rules in my head” that come from somewhere in my upbringing. I often forget that other people don’t have the same set of “Rules” echoing in theirs too, so I bring ’em out and see if they’re still working for me as I continue to learn in this life. Found this unposted entry containing several rules that after careful consideration, I think I’ll keep around for a while longer! :

Ever been jettisoned into a dispute without being asked?

I HATE controversy!! And as the Creator would have it, I once was placed squarely in the path of probably the most controversial situation I have seen in a long time!

Some of the biggest lessons that came from that WHOLE experience -things I already knew, but apparently needed to be reminded of:

  • This is NOT about me. Seriously. I have no concept, nor is it my business to know, what motivates and causes people to act as they do. Period. All of these things are issues tied to whatever is going on in the other person(s) life. Its not personal, even if it seems to be directly aimed at me.
  • I really can’t speak for anyone but myself. Its not for me to explain, intervene, or “help” out (Run away! Run away!) the people in my life, no matter how much I care about them. That’s their job. I’ll be happy to listen if someone is seeking a solution and not bitching about a problem without trying to see their part, but I can’t force someone else’s actions (not even my family’s), so its really not my job to justify them to others (although there is many times a desire to…)
  • As has been so brilliantly illuminated by experience, I will always bend over backwards, if I must, to keep people from feeling like they are “in the middle” and “must choose sides”. A pet peeve, if you will. I think it’s one of the most selfish expectations anyone can have, so I’ve made it a point to make sure I TELL all those who lives get the “ripple effect” from any disputes involving me that I do NOT want them to feel compelled to choose sides! Or feel like they have to be or do anything different from the norm for them.

I also tell them that should anything I say or do make them feel as though they have to compromise their amnesty, to please TELL me because my ability to “pick up on” the discomfort isn’t always reliable.

Yep. I can still see where these might keep me centered and not bent out of shape.

Peace,

~me

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3 Responses

  1. Great thoughts! All too often we forget how the version or vision we have for life is our working from a different set of blueprints for how life and love is suppose to work.

    Mom would always tell me not to put my nose in other people’s business. At first glance, this might suggest not to get involved or participate with helping others out. BUT, after further review (several decades old) what she really meant was “stay out of the drama and nightmares others create for theirselves.”

    Once we enter into these messes with a commitment to stay until we have “fixed” them….well…the leaving can be difficult. Eventually, we all discover the same way out of a problem is the same way we got ourselves into it….we leave with a commitment to do so until we get our own ducks in a row.

    Great read….thanks!

  2. i like your 3 rules. hold on to them you should.

  3. Are ya back yet????

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