Loss of Innocence

I feel:

disquiet

verb: To impair or destroy the composure of: agitate, bother, discompose, distract, disturb, flurry, fluster, perturb, rock, ruffle, shake (up), toss, unsettle, upset. Informalrattle. Seecalm/agitation.

noun: A troubled or anxious state of mind: angst, anxiety, anxiousness, care, concern, disquietude, distress, nervousness, solicitude, unease, uneasiness, worry. See feelings.

  1. An uneasy or nervous state: disquietude, inquietude, restiveness, restlessness, unease, uneasiness, unrest. See calm/agitation.

Tonight I was witness to a distinct loss of innocence in my youngest. Not in a base sense, but in the sense of loss of being untouched by worldly woes and evils”. A part of her adolescent march into being a grown-up, which from the time she was 8 or 9 was a tragedy she proclaimed she wasn’t willing to deal with. [“Do I HAVE to grow up? I don’t want to!”]

She experienced poverty for the first time on a personal level. And it greatly disturbed her.

She sobbed the whole way home, apologizing for “freaking out”. She said, “I feel like I’ve lost my innocence … that I’ll never be able to enjoy anything the same way again.”

It wasn’t that she was unaware of people living in poverty…she just had never walked into it. It was never personal. Blissfully unaware, she had assumed that all of her friend’s home lives were similar to hers. Life just rudely awakened her to the dark side. 😦

I am resigned to the inevitability of life affecting her, but I am also very sad that it has begun the erosion of such exuberant and utter innocence. Would that I could shield her from a jaded outlook. No, I take that back. I wish that I could take away the sting of it. Now my job is to not let it become a liability, but to help her see the potential for growth, even when it seems SO blatantly wrong and unjust.

Sigh….Disquiet and contemplative.

~me

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4 Responses

  1. oh to be a mom. my bean (he’s 12) has also passed a line or two, and it hurts me as much as it does him. i wish i could take those feelings from him. he’s too young for some realities, yet here they are… and as a mom, all you can do is help them live with it.

  2. ((((HUGS TO THE YOUNGEST))))

  3. Thanks you guys…I really appreciate the empathy and support!
    Ironically, the topic this morning was not regretting. Does this count as a “regret”? 🙂

  4. Michael is my only child that hasnot seen this yet. (not looking forward to it) I feel for her but most of all I feel for you. I think that sometimes we as parents take it harder. We don’t ever want our babies to feel some of the things that they must. Because we have been there….and we know. The great thing about childrens minds at this age…..today is FOREVER….until they wake up tomorrow 😉 Give her and you bubble rasberris from me. I love you guys.

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