“Surviving meant being born over and over” ~ Erica Jong

Some days are simply reflective days – I just sit, and reflect on my life…

where I am … WHO I am

where I have been … WHO I have been

what I have learned along the way … HAVE I learned along the way?

“The real moment of success is not the moment apparent to the crowd”~George Bernard Shaw

Being a success doesn’t have to do with measuring up to anyone’s standards…

its about internal comfort that standards – society’s as a whole – have no bearing on.
I can recall moments in my life of being a success.

They are scattered throughout my life and reflecting on them recalls the feeling deep down

of knowing that I had done something or gotten through something.

Reaching the other side of it.

I remember being afraid of jumping into the deep end of the pool. Particularly from the high dive. I had climbed that ladder a dozen times with my heart pounding, each rung my dread growing until I reached the top. As my brother and friends yelled encouragements, taunts, and whoops to even find me at the top, I froze.
What was I thinking?? I couldn’t do this! I wasn’t really ready!
Then I thought about jumping from the side first. Going to the bottom. Trying the low dive. Uncountable times. And each time I did, I said it was one more step to where I stood now.
I jumped, cut through the water, hit the bottom, and pushed my way back up to the surface.
Nobody could have taken that feeling of success away from me at that moment.
I didn’t do it for the people around me
Or because I was old enough that I “should” be able to
I did it for me.
Because I had worked methodically and diligently.
I had jumped in spite of the fear and made it out to the other side of that.
You know, of course, I scrambled back up that ladder as quickly as I could and did it again and again until I was forced to go home.

Its an internal commitment to myself and a realization that I have done what I thought I couldn’t.



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